acceptance

A while ago, my sister was stuck in traffic. She turned to her four year old daughter and said "I am not a fan of this traffic. Not a fan." To which my niece replied "But there is traffic, Mom. There is traffic on the road."

Back seat zen is so much cooler than back seat driving. Yet it's always easier to see what other people need to accept or let go of. I'm sure it was easier for the four year old to accept traffic than her naptime.

This same sister, an athiest/agnostic, used to find it very annoying when I used the phrase "let go and let god." To be honest, I used that phrase jokingly the first time and teasingly every other time after. I have just as tough a time with that idea as she does. I am also not a fan of traffic.

To truly accept something we have to understand our capacity to impact a situation and accept that we can do nothing beyond that point. There is a peace that can come with that, if we let it. But it can be hard to accept our capacity, to accept the limitations of our power over our environment. We want to believe that we have the power to get what we want. To arrive at destinations on time. To create a situation that makes us happy. And very often, we're able to do this. There are shortcuts and back roads and traffic reports. But there are also three hundred million people with free will in this country. Every situation, every moment is made up of countless other situations and moments. They are constantly changing, elements coming together and dissipating. There is a limit to our control.

When we talk about accepting things, we're not talking about surrendering completely to fate. Laying down and saying "I just have to accept it. That's just the way it is." Because then you're only accepting the power of the world around you - all the other factors. You're not accepting your own power, your own ability to impact your environment.

And true strength is in the middle. We exhaust ourselves when we make ourselves responsible for things that are truly beyond our capacity. And we create victims of ourselves when we don't accept the power we DO have in a situation.

It can be hard to recognize our capacity, especially when we're so used to overreaching it or not testing it. But when we find it and settle into it, the feeling is much more stable. It makes it a bit easier to sit in traffic and say "I'm not a fan of this, but it's there...there is traffic on the road." Instead of railing against it futily or waiting for divine intervention to clear the way.