self compassion

Buddhism is sometimes called the middle path, meaning the moderation between indulgence and self mortification. This applies to compassion as well. If we are only compassionate to others or only compassionate to ourselves we are out of balance.

I once worked as a receptionist for a doctor who specialized in chronic pain. One day a new patient came to him and she was very stoic, all business. After looking at her medical history he said to her compassionately "You must be in so much pain." Her stoicism broke completely and she started crying. Through his compassion, she was able to experience her own pain.

This is kind of backwards, yet it seems to happen often to myself or people I know. We ignore our limits and are blind to our suffering and push on until someone else says "Wow. You must be exhausted." or "That is so sad, I'm so sorry for you." and then we take a minute to reevaluate. Wait a minute...I AM exhausted! or "Yeah, now that you say that, I suddenly feel like crying."

Sometimes we're not compassionate to ourselves because of a self concept. If our idea of our self is enmeshed in what we do for others - being strong, dependable, nurturing, giving, etc. - we may find it hard to turn that attention inward. Being compassionate to ourselves might feel like being selfish. I know so many people who cringe at the idea of spending time for themselves. Again, because of the idea that it's absolute.

Sometimes we're not compassionate to ourselves because we're afraid of coming in contact with our suffering. It's important to remember that compassion isn't just about experiencing pain and suffering, it's also about understanding it - recognizing and accepting the causes and trying to find a way to end the suffering that came from them. With patience and kindness.

One of the benefits of compassion is its ability to help us realize that we are all connected. If we are truly to feel that, we need to allow ourselves to be part of the equation. If we are truly to feel that God is in everyone, we must remember that we are part of 'everyone' too.